Hopefully we are all blessed with some really good relationships in our lives. However, there are other relationships in which we put up with “stuff” that we know we shouldn’t.  Relationships that, if you’re honest with yourself, make you feel worse than you would if you did not have it any more. Yet, you stay – be it a friend, romantic or business relationship.  Why?

If you’re “putting up” with people who don’t want your highest good or the best for you, then there are elements that are toxic in that relationship. When you tolerate being treated in ways that are not mutually respectful or loving you can bet there are aspects of your relationship that are not healthy.

Yes, we all need to compromise in a relationship. What we don’t need to do is compromise or lose our authentic selves in any relationship.

The word toxic refers to something that causes serious harm—it contains poison, literally. When used to describe relationships, it’s essentially the same thing. A relationship that drains the energy and life from you is, indeed, toxic.  Toxic relationships are ones in which you don’t feel you can be yourself or you start ignoring your intuition. In these relationships you’re not growing and changing for the better, but are stifled and feel diminished.  That’s simply not okay. You do not need to sacrifice what is important to you and for your happiness in order to stay in a relationship. You do not need to compromise any part of you.

If you are struggling to release a toxic relationship, what that means is that you’re more afraid of losing that person than you are of losing yourself, your goals and your happiness. Think about that for a minute!

Tips to identify when you are in a toxic relationship. 

If you:

• find yourself changing who you are
• walk on eggshells so as not to upset the apple cart
• change your behavior  to avoid a conflict
• know you’re not fully taking care of yourself mentally, emotionally, spiritually and/or physically.
• feel like you can’t do anything right
• feel like the relationship is more about him/her and rarely about you
• find yourself making excuses for the other person
• feel mocked and never feel encouraged
• find yourself thinking far too many things you never say…
• you’ve identified a toxic relationship!

Why do we tolerate so much in these relationships?  While, of course, it can be complicated, very often it stems from searching for one of three things missing in some form from childhood: security, love and self-esteem. If, when you were younger, you felt some of these pieces missing, you spend your life either repeating what you learned or not wanting to let go of a relationship once you think you’ve found the missing piece in it.

Sometimes the relationship mirrors one from when you were younger. Other times, your subconscious convinces you that you’re better off with that person than alone. Additionally, you might not feel completely worthy of a real, true and respectful relationship. Often, you simply don’t know how you ended up here!  You might think being in this relationship is just better than being alone…but it’s not.

The cause is one thing. Acting so that you examine the relationship, and perhaps exit the relationship, is another. The truth is, if you’re in a toxic relationship, and you’re honest with yourself, you know it.

I know it can be hard to leave. However, if you are put in this world to be the fullest expression of who you truly, authentically are, then being in a toxic relationship will stifle that, at the very least. If you want to leave, yet simply can’t, I suggest you get some help from a professional.   If you feel your relationship can be fixed, then it’s time to speak. Speak to the other person, speak to professionals, but be heard. You are so worthy of happiness and deep, resonating relationships. And, as I always say, the creator didn’t make some people more worthy than others. Your voice and your happiness are monumentally important.

Sending big, huge hugs to all of you! And much strength to listen to your inner self.

AFFIRMATION OF THE WEEK:

Today, I listen to my intuition when I ask myself what I am tolerating in my relationships. I will make the decision to demand respectful, loving relationships. Today, I begin the process of cleaning up my inner environment by cleansing myself of toxic relationships.

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