I had a conversation with a friend and colleague today about how hard she was working. She talked about how fragmented she felt, and how she had lost touch with who she was. She’s a very successful, brilliant woman, and to hear this coming from her actually didn’t surprise me. She DOES work really hard, travels a lot for work, and puts an enormous amount of energy into helping others.

But she hit a point where she finally said, “No more.” I suggested a bit of a retreat, a sabbatical of sorts, just for about a week. When we’re alone, and away from the energy of others, it is much easier to tap into our old selves. As I dive into the study of Human Design (a new obsession of mine and something I’ll probably incorporate into some of my coaching) I realize how much we, as individuals, are influenced by those around us. We often lose our ability to know “what’s mine” and “what’s not mine.” Meaning, you can have or be heavily influenced by thoughts, ideas, or even emotions that belong to someone else.

This might sound way out to some of you, but consider this. It is now proven through scientific studies that your thoughts influence those around you. If you are thinking judgmental thoughts about the person you are talking to, even if you’re putting on a great show with a big smile, they experience a sense of distrust in their primal brain. They’re not really conscious of it, but they feel it.

We have gut feelings. Instincts, we call them. It’s our inner knowing. Science is starting to prove that those gut feelings are actually pretty darned accurate. Sometimes more accurate than our logical mind. Why? Because our logical mind is partially fed by old patterned thinking, false beliefs and fears, for example. Arianna Huffington also brings this up in her new book, Thrive, as well. We can call it spirit, or inner knowing or simply our “gut”, but many times, if you pay attention, you just “know” something.

So, how do you get in touch with that knowing? By getting quiet. Unplugging from your devices, your work, spending time quietly with yourself. This is a skill you can learn, like tennis or online marketing. It just takes practice listening and trusting.

My friend heard her inner calling long before she got to the point she’s at now. But, she pushed it down, thinking she would “get there” to that peaceful place. At some point. Many of us do this. It’s almost like we put blinders on, simultaneously knowing we should stop and pay attention, but dammit! We don’t want to!

Here’s the funny thing about the lessons that go along with our inner knowing. If we don’t listen to them, they come back over and over and over again…until we “get” it. It becomes more and more unpleasant until is almost unbearable. Then we start to listen.  (We’re kind of amazing that way. And so is the universe.)

But, it doesn’t have to be that way. We all fall prey to this pattern, so I advise you to really start “training” yourself to become more and more aware of inner knowing. To start out, try the following:

• When you have a strong emotion, ask yourself, “Is this mine, or someone else’s?” Even if you’re not “energetically” picking up on someone else’s emotion, you might be influenced by it. Listen to that voice that tells you, “uh huh” or “uh uhn.” It’s more like a feeling of knowing yes or no than a mental “yes” or “no” from your head.
• UNPLUG at night. And whenever you can. Set a stop time and stick to it.
• Get quiet. At least 5-15 minutes per day. Just sit with your thoughts floating by. Don’t judge them, get involved with them, just watch them. “Oh, isn’t that interesting” is the most I’d suggest your saying to yourself. Be as objective as you can. Meditation isn’t some mysterious religious experience. It’s “getting quiet and just be”-ing. And, you can do it anywhere.
• Pay attention to the messages you get. Test them out. Be brave and have faith that you know more often than you think. Why is it often so hard to believe you know? Maybe you don’t trust your inner knowing… yet.  (Think of when you get that certain feeling of distrust when someone sits down next to you on a park bench. You have the instinct to get up and leave. Do it. Trust it.) It shows up in many places that we’ve been trained out of by our logic-based, western thinking.

Remember, our brains need a break from the constant gamma waves of overthinking, analyzing, and worrying. Just a break from thinking gives your brain a refreshing “nap” and you come back way more productive and happy than before.

And speaking of naps—take them. Arianna is a devotee of getting enough sleep. Your intuition is at its highest when you are well rested.

It’s not easy to make changes, but the reward is so worth it!