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Monthly Archives: January 2013

Growing Outside of the Box

think-outside-the-boxContinually focusing on what isn’t only gives more power to it. The universe doesn’t really have an opinion about what you want or don’t want. It just listens to you. So, if you are telling the universe that the status quo is okay with you, it will listen. The universe doesn’t pick and choose who gets what they want. It doesn’t say, “Oh, you are a better person, therefore you get what you want, but you? You’re not worthy.” It simply listens to the messages you are sending out.

We are all put on this planet to be the fullest possible expression of our true selves. That’s what you want, so to do that, you have to step into your authentic self. Stepping into the real you means you have to look elsewhere (from the usual places) to make a change. What you have been doing all along is just getting the same results.

Look to something new. And don’t start worrying! Don’t ask, “What if it doesn’t work?”(That’s up to you!) Don’t ask, “What if I can’t afford it?” (Is it that you don’t have the money, or you can’t decide to use it for something that could change your life?) And definitely don’t ask: “What if I’m not good enough?” (How do you know that to be true? What’s the worst thing that could happen?)

Worrying is a natural state of affairs, of course, and we all do it. However, fear and worry are pretty low on the vibration scale! And when we worry, we vibrate at that level. It attracts more to worry about. It attracts more of what you don’t want when all you are thinking about is… what you don’t want!

So what about those resolutions? Did you try anything different, or did you simply try the same old thing, only “harder,” hoping willpower would muscle you through? Well, I’m here to tell you that if you want something different, you have to do something different.

Every time I invest in myself, my self-development, my business growth (in amounts that might make your hair stand on end!) the universe brought more opportunities to me, opened more doors – almost like a miracle. But it wasn’t a miracle; it was the universe simply listening to me, and responding in kind. It knew I meant business and it knew I was stepping up to the plate, putting some skin in the game. It was proof I was ready for change.

When you invest in yourself, you are coming from a place of abundance, knowing it will all be returned tenfold to you. The universe hears that you are serious! It knows you believe you are ready to take the next step, and it provides what you need.

Often it comes in forms you don’t expect, sometimes disguised as an opportunity. The important point is to recognize the opportunity when it is presented to you.

So, look around. Where are you worrying and stopping yourself? What do you keep telling yourself when you obsessively fear the worst? When you don’t believe you’re worth it or capable?

Here’s a simple exercise:

  • Write down your fears. Be honest.
  • Answer the following question about each fear: “How likely is it that that will come true” or, “How do I know that to be true, really?”

Usually, our worry stems from fears that we’re not good enough to accomplish our goals.

When you look your fears or worries right in the face, they tend to back down. THEN, you can tell the universe you are ready to let that worry go.

Turn your fear into an affirmation that you will take action on. Do it in incremental steps, ones you believe you can accomplish, but that are a stretch.

THEN, DO SOMETHING DIFFERENTLY! Invest in a program to give yourself the tools to let these things go. Engage another part of you in the growth process…. You can move your body in exercise, or engage your spirit with meditation or other spiritual work.

Change comes when YOU change. When you want to see a different result, think outside the box, and do something different. Stretch your belief in yourself so that you can see other options.

And then, just do it.

If you’re ready for more, and ready to invest a little bit in yourself (because really, the universal supply is unlimited!) I have a date for your transformation, and it’s March 8, 2013! If you’d like further information on my new VIP Day of Transformation, to be held in NYC on March 8, please contact me and I’d be happy to set up a call or answer your questions by email.

I am urging you to see the opportunity that is in front of you. Take it. Learn. Change. Do it differently, outside the box.

Or, just do it!   http://healthybeing.com/vip-newyork-jan13.html

You’re worth it…and you have the obligation to step fully into who you were meant to be. Because, Erma Bombeck says it well:

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.”
~ Erma Bombeck

What are you tolerating?

Burned-Out-2-300x191It’s a simple question. And you probably know the answer. But you don’t want to go there. But first, what does it mean to “tolerate” something? By definition, if you are tolerating something, it is a negative in your life. You are “putting up with it,” and there is no positive feedback loop. We don’t have to tolerate things we love, things that are good for us, positive interactions and actions – we enjoy them, they feed us, and we get back from them.

Okay, so what are you tolerating? Sometimes this question opens up a big can of angry worms. That is not the goal here!

Here’s one scenario: You start to list all of your grievances with everyone else in your life: your husband who doesn’t listen to you, your kids who don’t appreciate you, your boss who always yells at you. “Dammit! Why do I let all of these things go on?” You get pissed off – at the “offenders,” and then you start to feel like a victim, and/or you get angry at yourself for tolerating all the abuse you have identified. This approach creates a vicious cycle of victimization and anger. It fills your brain with chemicals that won’t allow you to think clearly.

Stop. Look. Listen.

Remember that lesson when you were a kid? Very useful now!

Stop: Let’s start from a place of curiosity. This doesn’t have to be an anger-fest. This is simply an exercise in taking charge, in being pro-active in your life. Breathe. Set the intention that you will honestly look at what you are tolerating. Promise yourself that when you feel “heavy” emotions, you will breathe through them, knowing you are taking a step in a very positive direction.

Look: At what, you ask? Your life.  Where do you stop? Where does it get uncomfortable? When you start to list the things you are tolerating, from the mundane to the profound, try to be as objective as you can. Some of the things you realize you have been putting up with will hit you harder than others. Tolerating wearing ripped underwear is not going to carry the weight of someone crossing all kinds of boundaries with you. List everything. Everything: from having a messy bedroom that creates a chaotic energy to your employees who don’t show up on time. It can be an unhealthy lifestyle or having to walk the dog every day. Everything that you tolerate.

Pretend you are an outside observer looking at your life.

Listen: Now, once you’ve made your list, go inside yourself. Listen to what your heart is telling you. Why are you tolerating these things? Where do you not feel empowered or deserving enough to have the difficult but empowering conversation, empty the chaotic closets or keep your books organized? What are the messages you are hearing? Is it self-sabotage? Are you perpetuating the victimization that everyone is doing it to you as opposed to your not having the chutzpah to speak up, delegate, dig in or generally do what you need to do to move forward in your life? Are you asking for help? If not, why not?

Act: Okay, I added a fourth one…but this is crucial. Pick at least three things off that intolerable “tolerate” list that you are going to tackle in a certain amount of time, like a week. Don’t put it off too long, or you won’t do it. Start with the easy stuff. Clean out your underwear drawer. Create order out of chaos. Take on an assistant. Hire a house cleaner to get into the places you don’t want to get into. Or just invest in garbage bags and dig in.

Next, tackle those conversations you want to have. Plan them. Start from a place of “I feel” or “I’d prefer” instead of from a position of attack. You will avoid a defensive response if you come from a place of your own power and without anger.

Remember that first scenario above, where you listed all your grievances? Here is another scenario that will be more productive:

Scenario #2 Hmm. It seems I’m allowing my boundaries to be crossed. Where is that happening? 

Problem: Well, when my husband requests my attention, I give it to him, but when I ask for the same, he tells me he’s too busy. How can I solve this problem?

Solution: “I think I’ll find a time when neither of us is stressed and it feels like a good time to share my feelings.” And then you can plan the conversation in your head. “I will ask him how he feels about this, so I can get his take on it. There’s a very good chance he’s not even aware of how I am feeling, so I will start from that place.” (As opposed to the assumption that he is selfish and doesn’t respect you.)  “I deserve to be heard, and our relationship deserves the respect of knowing where I am.” (In other words, stand in your power.)

Problem: I feel like my kids take advantage of me.

Solution: “I’m going to call a family meeting. We are going to talk about responsibility in the community of our family. I am going to state my requests honestly, clearly and without emotion. I will listen to what everyone has to say, as well. We will create a ‘task list’ and rotate obligations. I will state calmly what I will and won’t tolerate. I will also talk about responsibility and consequences for not following through. I deserve and honor my boundaries.”

Remember, staying calm and being honest and objective are key.

You can do this!

Mirroring

echoes031

I like to think of each one of us like a branch on an enormous tree. We are a part of something bigger than each of us, yet we are a part of creator/spirit/universe. Because we are a tribe of one, and individually, a part of the whole, our ability to create our life is astounding. (In other words, if we are a part of everything, we are also spirit…and therefore a creator ourselves!)

The problem is, we’re so often not paying attention to what we are creating. That means that we often create by default.

So what does it take to consciously create our lives? It starts with paying attention. You can’t just tell yourself to pay attention. That, like willing yourself to start exercising if you don’t feel like it, will only get you so far. You have to build the muscle of being here now, the discipline of focus.

I have a very simple exercise to get you started. Try making a meal focusing only on what you are doing. The chopping of the vegetables, feeling the crunch as the knife comes down on them, smelling the different smells. How does the knife feel in your hand? Touch the vegetables. What do they feel like? Some are rough under your fingers, others are smooth. Who grew these vegetables? Thank them for their efforts.

This does not need to take any more time than the usual time of making a meal. I don’t mean you have to stop and meditate on your vegetables! I just mean, when you touch them, feel them. When you move from counter to stove, notice the pan heating up, your footsteps to walk there. Just be super, uber present.

When other unrelated thoughts come to mind, release them and return to the effort at hand. You will find this extremely difficult if you are really paying attention. You’ll catch your mind drifting constantly. I often use my cooking time to think, but when you want to practice mindfulness, it’s a great exercise.

This is an exercise to flex the muscle of mindfulness. You can do it anywhere. How many times have you been driving and so distracted you don’t remember traveling a certain distance? We are prone to doing that, especially with monotonous chores. However, really trying to focus on the present moment allows us to experience life more fully – which includes paying attention to thoughts, feelings, decisions, actions. (Remember my acronym? TEA party: Thoughts = Emotions = Actions.)

By being present, you are not allowing your thoughts to rule what is going on in your mind. You’re controlling them. I can’t remember who originally said this (because it has been used many times over) but truly, remind yourself that “you can’t allow yourself the luxury of a negative thought.” If your future is initiated by your thoughts – then learning to control them is imperative to changing your life!

So, if you remember that by being present you will be the one in charge of creation, instead of being just reactive to life around you, you really can create the life you want. Mindfulness is an essential step to that.

Pause. Look at where you are and backtrack to how you got there, as best you can. It’s like looking at your own footprints behind you in the snow. Looking back at how you arrived at this moment can tell you a lot about how you’re living. Don’t dwell on that past, but examine it. Then make the conscious decision that you will live a more mindful life in order to create the life you desire.

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