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Monthly Archives: March 2014

How Yoga helped me see yet again that “it’s NOT just the way it is!

I love yoga.

I’ve been doing it since I was a little kid with my wonderfully rebellious aunt who brought yoga to my life via TV. I’ve found solace on the mat, wisdom in the there's always a waystillness, and peace in chanting. I enjoyed my body miraculously “getting” a pose after “practicing it”. Yoga got me through my divorce and strengthened my body before and after childbirth.

When I was a single mom, and got a little cranky, my kids would say, “Mom, why don’t you go take a yoga class.” Every time, I came back blissed out and smiling. (Kids are so smart!)

All of that pretty much ended for me about 5 years ago when I was diagnosed with Lyme for a second time. One day in class, one hip screamed in rebellion, and then a few weeks later, the other. Then, my shoulders and all other joints chimed in to say, “uncle.” I gave up my practice because it was simply too painful.

I would make small attempts at returning to yoga, only to say, “Well, I guess that’s just the way it is.” But, being stubborn (and resilient!), eventually I tried again. I started to inch my way back into practicing at home, only to get hit again with Lyme and this time, anaplasmosis– again. It knocked me on my back and my body rebelled. “Okay, this is it. No more yoga,” I thought. Sigh.

For 6 months, I found myself telling the “story” of how I missed yoga, but couldn’t do it anymore because of Lyme etc. Then one day I heard myself, and I saw myself in the same moment of epiphany I had during my divorce — as a victim. WHAT? I thought I’d moved way past that. And I have, but the truth is, I was revisiting an old pattern that had been comfortable for me to surreptitiously step into — because I was so unhappy with the situation. But here’s the truth: you either decide to change something, or accept it and move on. I wasn’t moving on. I wasn’t accepting it because “it’s just the way it is” doesn’t sit well with me. So the only other choice was to change it.

I decided that I would keep seeking a different way of incorporating yoga into my life. I recently returned to one of the studios I used to practice in. Honestly, I was nervous. This felt like “it” — my last chance. I found myself so distracted that I literally drove right past the studio, had to double back, only to be late for the very restorative, beginner’s class.  When I saw the much older women lying on their backs in poses that would have driven me insane in my yoga classes only a few years earlier (because I like to move)  — I actually got tears in my eyes. Am I an old woman suddenly? What does this mean for me? I chose not to enter the class as it had already started — as even the pose they were doing looked like it might be painful for me.

However, the teacher reached out to me after I left, asking what was going on, what she could do. We decided I’d return the next morning to an all levels class. Sarah had a chat with me about her new approach to yoga for women and it had to do with not “muscling” your way into a pose, but “containing” yourself. Brilliant approach.

I not only made it through the class, but felt infinitely much better afterward. I modified accordingly, used props. I had to check my ego at the door. So what if I once was able to turn myself into a pretzel? That is probably what contributed to my joints rebelling in the first place! I was so overstretched, pushing myself too hard in the classes, that I had no “container” to hold my joints.

Before I get a lot of emails telling me to respect my limitations, and that it’s okay and good to do only what I can—let me reassure you:  I get that. And I agree. For me, yoga is a way of life that I was missing. It was an approach I wanted to pull back into my life, to find peace and solace, as well as exercise. I’m not trying to prove anything to the world – only to myself. Prove what, you might ask? Read on.

What are the lessons?

  • There’s always a way—a path– even if it’s different than the way you envisioned it.
  • Respect who you are and where you are and work with that to fully express yourself in your life.
  • Sometimes we put so much out in the world that a little pulling in, or “containing”, is crucial to self-preservation.
  • “Muscling through” life “over-stretches” us in many ways.
  • “It’s just the way it is” is unacceptable. We can always make some kind of micro-movement toward improving the situation.
  • Maturing is a dance of acceptance and getting creative. (You will age. It’s all about how.)
  • If you have the desire, you have the ability.

And really, how you do anything is how you do everything – which is why, for me, yoga represented something I needed back in my life. How has your version of “It’s just the way it is” stopped you from growing?

Work-Life Balance — It’s more about slowing down

flow2

We hear so much about finding work-life balance.

I agree with Tyler Ward in his recent blogpost entitled Work/life balance isn’t about balance. It’s about rhythm, not balance. We live in an age in which an absurd amount of information and stimulation is available to us — we are constantly digitally, intellectually, telephonically, or visually stimulated — creating an electronically induced panic that we’ll be left behind. What might happen if we don’t listen to that one last inspirational audio book while falling asleep or read that blog, take that teleclass? What if you fall behind the curve of D O I N G? Will your business be left in the dust of more diligent marketers with the latest sales tools? Will you miss out on the latest in what’s trending in business, fashion, reading… life?

The culprit is, at least partly, our natural urge to compare ourselves.

In our Rich and Prosperous Woman Event, Kim DeYoung and I interviewed 18 women business owners with the idea of pulling back the curtain to show some of the warts and struggles all women in business have. The damage in comparison is that in this digital age, everything is retouched in some form. We don’t see the wrinkles and the wrestling that goes on behind closed doors—with pretty much everyone, as we flounder to find ourselves, battle the fears, and attempt to pull inspiration from the inevitable exhaustion.  We feel we pale in comparison and are creating superwoman ideals and frankly, most of us believe we can be superwomen. But to what end?

Look—I was designed to work. I love my work. I love the women I work with and even love being online—until I hit a wall. If I don’t pay attention to my personal rhythms, I can keep going with the best of them only to find myself flat out uninspired, unenthused, disorganized or plain old bored. The screen that brought me entertainment, stimulation, and a vehicle to reach more women becomes somewhat loathsome to me.  My creativity tanks and I feel just. plain. tired.

Creative souls find this wall frequently when they push to create, instead of allowing the creativity to come from within.  Creative and non-creative souls alike, we all spend so much time in our heads that we need to travel the 18 inches down to our heart and soul, and reconnect to the rhythms of being human…being part of the natural world.

SO, what do you do? Like Arianna Huffington suggests, start by taking your cellphone and computer out of your bedroom. Create a space of peace and rest. I’m as guilty as the next of grabbing my computer before bed to do “one last thing.” But it’s something I must stop.

Rhythm is particular to each of us individually.

Some of you may find that there are some days where you feel herculean—you can do the job of two women in one day— only to find yourself uninspired or unfocused the next. So, number two: Respect your flow. Notice when you’re on and when you’re off. You don’t always have the luxury of being off when your body, mind, and spirit want you to, but as much as possible take some time off of doing and just be.

The brain produces what’s called gamma waves from too much thinking. Gamma waves shut down executive function and creativity. The executive functioning part of your brain is what helps you make decisions, prioritize, and focus. When you’ve not given your brain enough freaking time off, trying to tap into your executive functioning will feel like you’re slogging through a field of thick molasses. Stuck, slow-moving. Ineffective.

So the irony is to slow down to be more productive, to return to a sense of loving your life and not feeling at the receiving end of all the chaos. Crazy, isn’t it? Our brains and bodies really need us to rest when rest is called for.

Here’s my prescription for finding your rhythm.

  1. Start watching nature. There is a wisdom there that you can follow. Meaning, there’s a growth and decay process, a season for everything. As my coach says, you don’t see a maple tree trying to be an oak tree.  Are you trying to be something you’re not? You also don’t see animals pushing and not resting (unless their life is threatened). How can you apply that to your life?
  2. Start paying attention to when you feel more “on” vs “off.”
  3. Respect that! If you’re someone who simply can’t exercise or focus at 7 a.m., shift your schedule around. If you work better at night, give yourself time off during the day for exercise and rest. Are you better at sales calls in the morning or afternoon? Does your writing or art seem effortless at different points?
  4. Play around with different cycles. See when you feel at your best.  For example:
    1. How many hours of sleep is best for you? GET THEM. Your body can’t repair itself, and your brain can’t process all that’s coming in without adequate rest.
    2. Do you need to employ a “thinking day” or couple of hours? Yup, where all you do is sit around relaxing and thinking. You’d be amazed how much more productive you are on “working days” and how much inspiration comes from those moments.
    3. How do hormonal cycles play into it? Some women need more exercise before their period, and others are exhausted just after. Some women are more in tune with their sexuality mid-cycle and some are more creative during their menstruation. Notice how you feel at different points. Respect those rhythms, too!
  5. Realize constant creativity and work is unsustainable.  Think of productivity and creativity as a wave. The wave builds to a crest, stays at the crest for a bit, then slows into more placid water. Respect where you are on “the wave” of your own rhythm of productivity, creativity, and just plain doing.

The bottom line? Respect the way you were designed.

 

 

Your Red Flags— How Do you Know You’re Self-Sabotaging?

I hear this from clients and potential clients all the time:tg doubt quote

“I know I’m self-sabotaging.”
“I always shoot myself in the foot.”
“I don’t know why I do these things.”
“It’s just the way I am.”
“I can’t get ahead.”

It’s true. Most people don’t know why they get in their own way. See, while your subconscious is doing all of its insidious, underground work of keeping you just where you are (because it’s afraid of change), it’s also distracting you with crazy things like fatigue, avoidance, distraction, illness, feigned ineptitude, anger, chaos, and procrastination.

When you’re about to do something different with your life or business, to move to the next level, your subconscious will start to throw all kinds of roadblocks in your way — and it’s your job to learn to identify them.

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