Self-worth is defined as the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person; self-esteem; self-respect. We are born with perfect self-esteem. As little babies, we come into the world knowing our perfection and along the way, life hands us some experiences that can slowly (or not so slowly) chip away at that self-esteem. Hurtful comments, unreasonable expectations, and rejection are some of the experiences that can create the initial damage.

There are many factors, big and small, that exacerbate the weakening of our self-esteem (which I’ve talked about in previous posts). The results of low self-esteem (it can be in any area – it doesn’t have to be across the board) can vary. Sometimes, it is just a feeling of nervousness about whether or not you can do something. Other times, it can be downright paralyzing.

Here are some strategies for literally growing your self-worth.

I’ve included quite a lot so that you can pick and choose which (or all) speak to you. If you suffer from low self-worth, you can retrain your brain to see yourself differently—but you have to be consistent. Remember, you’re changing those neural pathways that are the “default” your brain goes to when you are stressed, worried, or feeling bad about yourself.

1. Notice how you speak about yourself—both to others and in your own mind, which is often worse.  Do you put yourself down (“I’m an idiot”), belittle your work (“oh it’s nothing”), your clothing (“this old thing?”), your appearance (“God, look at me today!”, etc? What you are really “wearing” is the energy of your self-worth. Think about your feelings of self-worth preceding you into a conversation, into a room. How would you like to be perceived?
   • Exercise: write about what you were put on this earth to do and be. Is it really about all the things you put yourself down about? Who are you really? 

2. Figure out if you are living to fulfill others expectations or image of you or your own. Are you living according to values you inherited or those you chose?
   • Exercise: create a list of unconditional core values. Think about what is important to YOU… not your parents, teachers, or others of influence when you were growing up. Have you grown out of certain values and into others? What is so important to you that you want to live your life by these values? 

3. Examine how the notion of “giving” plays out in your life. This is an interesting concept because we are taught to “give” more than get. Yet, at the same time, we feel desperate to “get” what we need. That is a no-win situation. When we are taught that our needs are not important we tend to become needier in some areas as adults. How can you balance that idea of giving and getting? Trust, for starters, and also: treat yourself and others with compassion, and love. It’s not narcissistic to love yourself, be proud of yourself. In fact, it’s an insult to creator (whatever you believe that is) to feel unworthy, because you have a divine birthright to be happy and fulfilled.  When you trust that, you will be happier giving because you know there is more than enough. When you give like that, you will notice you’re attracting others who want to give to you. It’s an amazingly beautiful universal law of reciprocity: giving AND receiving
   • Exercise: Write about where you find it difficult to ask for what you want. Where do you do well? Where do you feel desperately needy (usually, this is looking for some form of love, security or self-esteem).
   • Exercise: Sit for 3-5 minutes every day with the following intention: to generate self-love. Simply sit, closing your eyes and focusing on your heart chakra. Breathe in and out with the word love and feelings of love floating into that area. Notice how you can actually generate good feelings that way. It’s a great thing to do before a sales call or networking event, or even an encounter with someone you’re nervous about seeing. 

4. Take responsibility. When you abnegate responsibility to others (aka, use blame), you are disempowering yourself, and making yourself feel helpless.  Blame is a tool to keep you small, so you don’t have to step out of your comfort zone.
   • Exercise: Where in your life are you blaming others for your situation or your personal outcomes? How can you begin to let go of that – and instead use your own resilience to find a way to a different outcome? How can you find ways to be more resilient and responsible? 

5. Build your intuition and inner guidance system. We are trained to go to others for the answers. Many of the answers lie within (even though it is helpful to get outside help to find your blind spots). We can use professionals to fill in the gaps, but it is also important to learn to trust that you know more than you think you do.
   • Exercise:  Answer the following questions:
     • What am I good at? What are my strengths? Talents?
     • How can I use my strengths and talents in my life?
     • What experiences have I had in my life that I have grown from?
     • Am I fulfilling only others’ expectations, or fulfilling my own needs? How and where can I change that? 

6. Figure out where your self-worth comes from. Is it from how much you make? The size of your home? The car you drive? The kinds of friends you have? Your partner’s status? How much you give others (and do you give at your own expense)? So often this is about money and/or what you do instead of who you are.
   • Exercise: Start noticing where in your life you feel reinforced and find your value. Does it come from inside? How can you find value for who you are instead of what you do? 

7. Value your time and your boundaries. Do you have enough time for self-care, fulfilling experiences, and time alone? When we give our time away and don’t set boundaries, resentment creeps in, which can lead to bitterness and ultimately victimhood. Those are all disempowering. We are taught to give to the point of personal neglect. How can you balance your time in giving AND receiving?
   • Exercise: Where in your life are you allowing others to eat up your personal time and cross boundaries? Pick one and start taking control of it.  Where are you trying to please everyone else at your own expense? 

8. Find the opportunities. Sometimes these come disguised as a misfortune. When you can place more faith in the knowledge that you are valued, and are here for a reason, you start to seek out opportunities and notice the ones in front of you that you hadn’t previously seen. This sometimes requires a bit of patience as they are not readily noticeable until you build that awareness to know they are there. Misfortune can lead us on a path of growth and self-discovery, and away from something that wasn’t going to serve us.
   • Exercise: Tell yourself that you are now on an opportunity-seeking mission. Every day will present you with some kind of opportunity – to grow personally, professionally, physically, or spiritually. When an opportunity presents itself, take the time to pause and notice it. Ask yourself, “Is this an opportunity to grow? Will this get me closer to my goals?” Or, “How can I grow despite the fact that this feels like a misfortune?” Stay aware of subconscious false beliefs that will lead you to either ignore the opportunity, or think an opportunity is helpful when it’s not. When you use these questions, you’ll be able to assess whether this is a forward moving opportunity or not. 

9. Stay aware of what is. When we push down feelings instead of acknowledging them, they tend to grow into big self-worth problems. It’s okay and normal to feel disappointed, let down, scared, angry, or sad. Try to be as objective as possible when looking at how you are feeling. “Isn’t that interesting” is a great tool to take a step back and get curious about what you’re feeling. Acknowledge that you’re feeling the way you are, and then accept responsibility for your feelings. When you have emotional resilience, you are able to acknowledge and move forward.
   • Exercise:  When you feel upset (emotionally or even physically) acknowledge that you are upset, and then make a decision about how you can move forward.  What steps, no matter how small, can you take toward making a change to feel better? How can you be more resilient in this situation? Acknowledge and move on.