Here’s how it begins. When my husband asked me for a divorce, I could not have been more floored. Two young children, nearly 20 years of marriage, and suddenly, my world was crumbling. I describe this time as a time when I had no skin.
I felt so vulnerable and raw each and every day as I moved from kid party to school event, to sports games to work. Finally, at the end of a very long days, to my bed. I was trying to find some semblance of composure when all I wanted to do was curl up and cry.
I found my initial inspiration in my daughters. What kind of a role model would I be to them, if I couldn’t pull myself together? I created a bit of a mantra that I said when I was at one of those points that normally would have brought me to my knees: “How’m I doing”? I knew that I could handle the experience well, or poorly. (Granted, that was a judgment, but at the time, it was what I had to work with!)
I definitely had some moments I’m not proud of, but for the most part, I did pretty well. I am so grateful for those girls for unknowingly inspiring me to get my s**t together!
Don’t get me wrong. I started down this road as a big ole’ VICTIM, asking myself repeatedly, “How can this happen to me?” (as if I had no part in the relationship falling apart – but hey, it’s easier to be hurt than responsible sometimes.) “How can he do this to me” (I was a skilled Victim. I didn’t know any other way.)
Eventually, I realized I had the choice to be a victim, or not to be. I used to consider myself pretty “scrappy.” A “fighter.” Until I realized that continually using those words to describe myself kept me exactly there. I didn’t like having to fight. I didn’t like the term scrappy. Yes, I thought I was strong, and I was…but my framework was all wrong.
So, I found my inspiration by hanging around only high-vibration people in my life. I lovingly moved away from those who liked to complain or point out how miserable life could be. I surrounded myself with motivational, thoughtful and inspiring books – books on Buddhist thought, positive thinking, overcoming obstacles, and a lot of books on forgiveness. Well, first it was anger. Then forgiveness. Finally, I looked to other women who had pulled it all together and used them as inspiration for where I wanted to get to.
I took great care of my body, getting myself back in the gym, eating well, drinking absolutely no alcohol. I talked to inspiring friends. And yes, I still cried, but less and less often. This is what worked for me. Everyone is different, but these were the choices I needed to make to stay inspired and continue to move forward.
When I no longer saw myself as a victim, I began to step out into the world more. I started my wellness center first. Then I started dating (that took awhile). When I knew I could trust again, I knew I was ready.
And, the rest is history. Or, herstory, really. It’s the story of every woman who picked herself up, owned both her power and her responsibility, and moved from victim to victory.
And, by the way, found her soulmate along the way.
And to me, it all begins with inspiration. We need more strong, authentic and honest role models. SO, beginning next week, I will start to bring them to you.
In the meantime, look around. Who inspires you? Whose story is most like the one you want to live? Read about them. Hang around them, if possible. Go hear them speak. You owe it to yourself, and those who love you, to start leading your life in a bigger way. Be inspired by the stories of joy and triumph that happen every day. See your life through a new lens when you move from victim to victory!
