I sit here in my house, dogs quietly sleeping by my feet (love when they’re quietly sleeping by my feet!) The rain is tapping a sort of sad melody to match my melancholy mood. I’m not prone to indulging myself in melancholy, but something happened today that brought me to this place. Having been a loyal Verizon customer for something like 15 years or more, I always kept saving my voice messages – some for as long as 10 years! I know quite a few people who have done that. My husband has his deceased father’s messages saved, as well.

I had very dear ones from my dear dad, who passed away several years ago – one from my birthday, and a couple after he was hospitalized. I have some from my girls when they were little – My favorites were one from when my oldest daughter landed her first acting gig on film (the excitement in her voice was something I listened to just to feel the love and her aliveness). There was one from my younger daughter when she discovered she could call my cell phone from a land line when we were in the same house, and leave me a message in her tiny voice saying, “I love you I love you I love you. You’re the best mommy in the whole world.” She’s now 18. I had messages from my husband from when we first met (we’ve been together nearly 5 years). I’ve loved having these messages…I listened to them occasionally when driving (on my bluetooth!) And now, they are gone.

I recently changed to an iphone – in order to sync my calendar, mostly (which, btw, doesn’t seem to be happening without several upgrades, etc.) What Verizon neglected to tell me what that they would wipe out my mailbox. I don’t know how they forgot this little tidbit, but here I am faced with this enormous loss. I feel like my dad is farther away, my kids suddenly grown up – that special sweet excitement in your new love’s voice — not to be heard again. There’s something about hearing a loved one’s voice that takes you back, warms your heart…and now it’s gone.

Where’s the lesson? I always look for the lesson. After a few tears, here it is: It’s ok to feel the loss, the sadness. I don’t always have to feel happy and in gratitude (which I do most of the time). Feeling loss is part of living. I will let it go, but for now, I feel kinda crappy…and that’s ok. I thankfully listened to those messages so many times that I have them memorized. I’m sure as I get older, I will lose the nuance of them, but guess what? I still have 3 of those people in the messages alive and in my life. I AM grateful. and I can also simultaneously feel sad for a bit….so that’s today’s lesson. Feeling one’s emotions is ok, and good! Letting them go afterward, is great. It’s all part of the human condition!

The trouble comes if we keep revisiting it. So I will monitor my feelings, check myself, acknowledge that it sucks, and move on to more important things. And continue to practice non-attachment!

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