Did you know that we humans value the need for security above all else – including love? What that translates into is that we are predisposed to look for what is different, the things that might upset the apple cart. It means we are biologically programmed to hate change because change equals insecurity in our mammalian brains!

In some ways, that makes me feel better – to know there’s nothing wrong with me if I sometimes feel really uncomfortable when my world is about to change.  Sometimes we perceive even a small change as big .

I think the realization that we are predisposed to dislike change is comforting in that a) we’re normal and b) we can do something about it! It’s like knowing what’s wrong with your car so that you can “fix” it. If you don’t know what is causing all the push/pull, resistance or just plain internal freaking out, you start to doubt your own strength and skills – and look in all the wrong places for answers.

One place you may look for answers is within yourself. That’s a good place to look, but too often the loudest inner voice you hear comes from the part of you that is scared and anxious about the future.  That part of you, frankly, is a liar.

So, imagine what facing life’s major milestones does to us, things like divorce, career changes or even suddenly realizing you feel unmoored in life. Every one of our insecurity buttons gets pushed, and often, we feel a bit imprisoned by our fear or anxiety about the future and the pain or loss about what we’re “losing.”

Here’s one thing you can do to teach that inner liar a lesson! Ask yourself one question and answer it honestly: “How true is that belief REALLY?” How do you know that your biggest fears or the lies you tell yourself about yourself (that, for example, you’ll never meet anyone new, or that you’re not good enough to get that job) are true? You don’t. You’re just afraid of the change, and you talk to yourself in ways that really aren’t so nice.

Asking yourself to honestly assess the validity of your own negative thinking will help you create more of a balance, a Dao, in your thinking. You start to have a reality check to correct the imbalance created by the self-derision we all tend to fall prey to.

And lastly, change is uncomfortable. If it weren’t, we’d all be sitting next to the Dalai Lama. Lean into the discomfort and know it’s all good – it’s the beginning of your transformation. You know, the one you’ve been asking for? Don’t run away from it, okay?

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