We all get stuck in old patterns of thinking and behaving. So often I hear people say, “It’s just the way I am.” Yea, well, it’s just the way we all are, but let’s be honest. You CAN teach an old dog new tricks!  (And modern science proves it!) You can always make the decision to change old behaviors that are not serving you.  Besides, “just the way you are” is learned behavior. You weren’t born afraid or anxious, but to be the fullest expression of who you truly are at your core.

First, of course, you have to identify the behaviors that I’m talking about. One way to do that is to take an honest look at what worked in 2013. Pat yourself on the back for those successes! Too often we don’t appreciate what we accomplish and what goes well! Then look at what didn’t work so well in 2013. Write it down. Once you have an honest appraisal, decide which of the things that didn’t work in 2013 – when they are successful – will create the most transformation, change, or success for you in 2014.

Now you have a list of things that did not go as you’d hoped in 2013. What to do with it? Yes, you are going to make some changes.

• First– decide what the causes were of those unsatisfactory end results.  Rather than doing what we tend to do all too easily—focus on what we don’t have, don’t want, wish we didn’t do—reframe your focus and look at the behaviors that got you to those undesirable end results.

Let’s use an example of an end result—not enough money—and look at behaviors and attitudes that cause that result. At the Rich & Prosperous Woman event, money woes came up a lot. We often want more of it, feel guilty for having it, attach our personal value to how much we make, or blame others for our not having the income we desire (like, “my kids take up all of my time” or “no one will buy my services”). So, the result is not enough money. What you need to do is look at why.

• The answer to the question WHY is actually the CAUSE.

When you change the cause, you change the effect!

Focusing on what’s wrong, as I always say, just attracts more of exactly what you don’t want.

• The tricky (and yet most effective) part comes when we look at the cause of the why. (Sorry, I know that sounds confusing – but let me explain!) This is a deeper layer than just knowing the cause– and this is what really makes the difference.

Let’s continue with the same example. We don’t just do things in a vacuum to sabotage our success, stop us from taking advantage of opportunities, or create excuses for not doing what would make us more successful. These causal behaviors come from subconscious beliefs created when we were younger. (Those beliefs are the causal forces behind our causal behaviors that result in the unsatisfactory results on your list.)

When you believe you are not good enough or worthy, that money is a bad thing (for whatever reason), or that being successful will alienate others (interestingly, a common subconscious belief) you will not change your behaviors unless you consciously address this subconscious belief.

So, how do you do this? Once you identify the cause, followed by the why of the cause, you then need to start taking actions that are in complete defiance of the why — and alert your subconscious to the fact that you are actually doing something different and out of your comfort zone in order to change the old paradigm.

It actually looks like this:

• You know you are not making enough money.
• You also know the cause, for example that you don’t take the right action in your business. Perhaps you do not network or get out from behind your computer. (That’s the cause of the effect of not making enough money).
• You know that your not meeting people is hurting your business, but you can’t seem to muster the drive to get out and meet these new people.
• You bang your head against the wall or beat yourself up for not doing the things that will improve your business. 

The big change comes when you acknowledge where your inaction comes from, for example a deep seated fear of success. Maybe you fear success because you are wary of what others will think or do if you become successful, because when you were a kid, somehow you got the message that successful people are abandoned by loved ones.  Once you become aware of whatever the why of your cause IS, you can then tell your subconscious it’s time to change it.

So, you make a decision. You’ll start networking. You’ll give talks. Whatever it will be for you.  You put these things on your calendar to remind yourself to actually create these opportunities. You say something to yourself along the lines of: “Subconscious, I am changing my behaviors in order to have the success I want and to end this paradigm that I can’t be financially successful.” You can remind your subconscious of this plan repeatedly until it gets the picture. Once you’ve informed yourself what you plan to do, you proceed to act differently. And the thing is, you will have a heightened awareness that things are different now. This is the only way to tap into those subconscious beliefs that are keeping you stuck.

To summarize:

1. Identify the problem (aka, the effect)
2. Identify the cause of the problem (and stop obsessively thinking about the problem)
3. Identify the why of the cause (the false belief system in your subconscious that usually came from childhood which causes you to behave in a certain, unhelpful way)
4. Make the decision to act differently (and out of your comfort zone) to create something new
5. Tell your subconscious that when you are doing this new behavior you are actually tapping into your subconscious and changing this old paradigm and false belief
6. Continue acting this way until the new behavior becomes ingrained as the new default, rather than the self-sabotaging behaviors that have stopped you in the past 

Until it understands that it is actually holding you back, your subconscious may try to “protect you” by tempting you to fall back into old, habitual patterns. Resist.

This is a process, and it takes time. Be patient and loving with yourself, but remain determined. Remember: make the decision that things will be different now, and remind your subconscious why. This is a very effective way to change old behaviors.

Bring in the new year with a new attitude. You don’t have to make resolutions, just decisions–and keep acting on behalf of your new decision until it become the new cause of great success!