DR. TERI GOETZ
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Monthly Archives: October 2013

Will They Pay Me to Do THAT?

Posted on by Teri Goetz

Photo Credit: W.T Benda
Photo Credit: W.T Benda

Every day I hear women say, “But it comes so easily to me. I don’t think people will pay me for that!”  or, “It’s a gift. I should give it away.”

Nothing makes me more motivated to help women step into their power than those kinds of attitudes. Why? Because I have been there, too.  Been there, done that. And, there wasn’t even a T-shirt to show for it.

The mask of false modesty that somehow feels virtuous is one of the most detrimental ways to hide your light and harm yourself in the process – not to mention your business, relationships and self-esteem.  Women, it’s time to own what you love doing, to embrace your talents and unique abilities. It’s time to take it off. Take it all off. And wear only your true authentic self.

You’ve heard it before, but I’ll say it again: The world is waiting for you!

AND YOUR TIME IS NOW!

So how do we take it all off and get out of this trap of mask wearing? There are a few simple (not always easy – until you decide they are) rules I’d like you to embrace:

  1. Discover what you love. Your “soul purpose.” Embrace it with all of your heart, soul and emotions.
  2. Decide how you want to bring your soul purpose into the world. You might need some help with this, but start envisioning what’s possible, and even, what you think is impossible. It’s only impossible until you start.
  3. Be like Nike. Realize it’s up to you. No one is going to do it for you. Yes, you will have cheerleaders, helpers and inspiration along the way. You will have guides, mentors and miracle workers show up just when you need them. Doors will fly open you didn’t know existed. But basically, if you’re sitting on your butt, they’re not going to show up. So, just do it.
  4. You’re ready now. Not when the website is perfect, you’ve lost the weight or your copy is that of a Pulitzer prize novel. You’ll not have the right tagline at first, or the right pitch. You may not even be clear on the few next steps. That’s okay. You only need to know the very next step. Go out and start.
  5. Feel the fear and do it anyway. I always say (as do a lot of other people!), if it isn’t scary, it isn’t worth doing. If you want to make a bigger impact, it has to be uncomfortable, plain and simple. After all, staying the same might feel comfortable, but what about that niggling feeling just under the surface that says, “Something is missing.”  That niggle ultimately means that you’re not living up to your potential.
  6. Stop worrying about pleasing everyone else! It’s a problem many women have, but it’s only going to stop you dead in your tracks. Be a thought innovator, a healing genius, a strongly opinionated woman on the board. People don’t have to agree with you. YOU have to agree with you – which leads me to:
  7. Be authentic. If it feels right, you are in your creative genius (not to be confused with it feels comfortable and therefore safe.) When you are working in your genius, it should feel good, like you’re in the flow, like you can’t believe people pay you to do this (and they do!).
  8. Remember the law of circulation. Allow yourself to receive as much as you give. This goes for good payment for the value you provide or accepting compliments and appreciation. When you fluff it off and say things like, “Oh it was nothing” you deny the person the right to give to you. People love to give! Let them!  “You’re welcome” is all you need to say.
  9. Along those same lines, give back. To other women (for example, by telling them how brilliant and amazing they are) or to the world in some way. You get what you give. When you always expect something from someone else without giving, you are violating that same law of circulation.
  10. Fill the oil lamp back up. I say this all the time. Giving to the point of exhaustion, burn-out or resentment does nothing for you, those who love you and depend on you, or, those you serve in your business or in your volunteer work. Restore yourself: exercise, get massages, take a walk in the park. SHUT YOUR BRAIN DOWN for a period of time so that all those good alpha waves can come in and allow you to think and be more creative and loving in your life.

When the mask is off for good, and the real you is out there for all the world to see, being authentic will come naturally to you. And, it will be a huge relief. Clients and friends and spouses and children will see the real you. And best of all, that’s who you will see too, when you look in the mirror. And you will step into the flow when you take it off.

Are You Allowing Your Fears to Hold You Back?

Posted on by Teri Goetz

a woman waiting near her telephone
Photo credit: DG EMPL

We’re all a little afraid of something. Sometimes, we’re a lot afraid! What I hear most women say they’re afraid of is failing. The truth is you’re not really afraid of failure itself. Because really, you know you’ll survive that. You always have, right?

You’re afraid of what others will think if you fail.

When you operate from that place, you are running your business and life emotionally. I got this message loud and clear from my coach and mentor this week, as he put us all to a challenge some of us felt very uncomfortable with: getting on the phone and calling our people.

If we’re afraid of what people will think, we’ll sit on the sidelines, waiting for a miracle – waiting for them to call us! (And the truth is—it turns out that most people are thrilled when I call them.)

When we wait, we are forgetting that we are offering to help change people’s lives! That is what your good work does!  Sometimes the call is just a “Hello, how are things going for you? How can I help?”  Other times, it makes sense to offer something specific to help them.

Here’s the most amazing thing that happens: the calls seem to come at the right time. I hear women say over and over again: “I can’t believe you called at this moment.” Sometimes they cry, sometimes they’re excited, sometimes they’re confused (yes, and sometimes they feel like it’s a bit of a bother, but that’s the minority, and it’s typically either fear rearing its head, or simple logistics.)

When is an ideal time to change your life?  NOW!

I’m not saying miracles don’t occur – they do every day – but if you sit idly by, they’re generally not coming TO you because you haven’t put the universe on notice that this is what you want.  You haven’t started moving the energy and your actions in the direction of your goal. You can wish all you want, but you have to act “as if” your success is guaranteed. Otherwise, your fear gets the best of you.

Have faith and the fortitude to do what needs doing, no matter how you feel. I know all of you who are super intuitive are saying things like, “I trust my intuition to guide me. “ So do I most of the time. And that’s great. But you have to actually check in and make sure it is your intuition that is communicating with you. Be sure that it’s not your subconscious being incredibly “logical” in telling you to stop, to listen to your fears. Why would you listen to that message? Because, weirdly, it feels safer. If you’re not having the success you want in your life, my guess is that it’s not your intuition talking, it’s your fear and false belief systems that are monopolizing the airwaves.

When you’re afraid to act, your fear grows and grows until your dreams begin to wither.  The fear becomes the thing that guides you – and the emotions that come along with that become your business or life plan. That is reactive living, not proactive living.

So what do you do? You make a decision about what you want – and then you go out and act. You stop waiting. You stop letting the fear win.

Remember, if you have the desire, you have the ability to achieve that desire.  As long as you keep taking steps, the “how” will reveal itself.

It’s your choice. Every day, in every moment. Which do you choose? Fear or success?

 

Do You Feel “Invisible” in Your Work or Relationships?

Posted on by Teri Goetz

teri goetz, terigoetz.com. personal coaching, business coaching, business and life advice, personal development, personal growth, feel invisible, feeling invisible, i feel invisible
Photo credit: Gallo Photos

You may have heard the phrase, “new level, new devil.”  Here’s the funny thing about looking at that devil – it’s usually YOU. You, with your false belief system that tells you it’s safer to stop than to grow and change. The part of you that’s terrified of being truly seen for who you really are.

The devil that sabotages your earnest attempts at changing and growing is the part of you that is scared. One thing that happens is that this devil believes that once you actually get what you desire, everything could change, like:

  • My friends or family will be jealous (and perhaps abandon me or make fun of me)
  • I will be ostracized
  • People will think I’m conceited or full of myself
  • I might lose it all anyway
  • Eventually, they’ll find out I’m a fraud
  • I will get noticed. Getting noticed can be painful.

That last one is a doozy for a lot of women. Here’s how that comes to be. At some crucial point in your life, your subconscious created the false belief that being noticed is bad or unsafe. It gets you in trouble. You believe that people you care about get angry with you or even abandon you on some level you when you:

  • express your opinions (especially if they differ)
  • ask too many questions
  • become quite successful (maybe you have the success others with less self-esteem wished they had)
  • step away from the way things are done in your family/group of friends, etc. (and this is usually a lack or negative mindset)

So how does this manifest? If you own a business, you spend most of your time hiding behind a computer, or using all the tasks you have to do as excuses. You hide at a networking event, waiting for people to come up to you (or maybe secretly hoping they don’t) or not taking forward steps to grow your business. It means you are your worst enemy (I hear this all the time from women entrepreneurs I work with!)

When you go out in a social environment, you might find that you energetically “shrink”…meaning you kind of hope no one comes up to talk to you or asks you questions because you might flub it, or forget their name or something equally embarrassing.

In total transparency, let me tell you what happened to me about eight or nine months ago. I was facing a new level within myself – of really getting out there with my business and my message. I was a little scared, though unaware that my fear sometimes reduced me to virtual invisibility. I was at an event and ran into several people I’d met and interacted with before. They didn’t remember me. (I was kind of surprised because these interactions were actually not really forgettable!) Then, because this was my coach’s event, those of us who worked with him were called into a room to talk about our experience. We all stood around the table while each of us was introduced. I was standing in plain sight, and I was completely looked over. I wasn’t seen.

Lesson learned. Quickly. Duly noted. Done with that.

In that moment, I got it. I was making myself energetically invisible! I knew I was being called to play a bigger game, but I didn’t know if I could do it. I knew I was good at what I did but this called for a much bigger game. And I got a little scared, because as illogical as it sounds, my subconscious still had some junk around this that had to be removed. In other words, I had to change my story. A little bit more.

These are all stories. Do you realize that? These are the stories your subconscious tells you to keep you small and safe and unseen. But the problem is that your true purpose, your inner core, your divine light is screaming to get out. You shove it down so swiftly and often quietly, that you pretend you don’t notice it.

That’s why you keep doing the same thing you want to change over and over and over again…and then wonder why.

It’s very common for women to shrink so as to appear less than their powerful, magnificent selves. This false humility is somehow viewed as a great trait. But the truth is, that is not what the world or spirit wants for you!

This shrinking so that others don’t feel bad is frankly a load of BS! You are here for a reason, a purpose – and that purpose is not to be invisible. It’s to get your message and your deeds out into the world so that you can help more people – I don’t care if it’s a business you own, your work in corporate, or the kids, families and charities you touch by being a stay at home mom. It’s all the same thing.

I don’t mean help at the expense of yourself. I mean help because of who you are inherently. Your gifts deserve to come out. You want to make a difference to the world you live in. And, the world is waiting for you.

Being invisible is not polite. It is frankly insulting to the creator who put this whole gorgeous shebang together!

I’ll end with the now commonly read, forever inspiring quote by Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.”

So why not rename that devil, and call it what it is. It is just fear. And fear is just a story.

And by the way, YOU get to tell your story YOUR way.

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