Let’s face it. As women we give. We do (a lot), we feel, we work, we play (though not enough play!). Do you get tired from so much giving? What I see happening very often with some of my clients is that they get tired, and they feel taken advantage of. But they also get pissed.

All these behaviors come from fear.

One reaction to the fear is to hide, afraid to shine your light. Why hide your light? Well, either you feel your light will make others feel bad, or will push others away because you are stepping out of the role expected of you, or you are simply scared of owning your power.

We all fall into habitual responses – we give too much, we go quiet, we become enraged. There is no blame. It just is. Our default behaviors are ones we slide into when we are stressed, overwhelmed or scared. We lose ourselves in the patterns we fall into. See where you find yourself hiding your true light in the following descriptions.

Do you give to the point where you forget your own needs? Although you love taking care of your loved ones, in time you may quietly feel resentment. You may feel taken advantage of. Giving to the point of either exhaustion or forgetting yourself – or to find your value in the appreciation from others, is not healthy. You can reclaim yourself.

Ditch the fear that keeps your light under a bushel!

Or maybe you’re angry. You find yourself in conflict, looking for things that are wrong. Maybe you blame others for getting you to this place – the government, your husband, the job. Anger is often an outward manifestation of fear. Getting clear on what you are afraid of, facing it, and then dissolving it, will move you out of the default mode of anger.

You can create boundaries and still care – for yourself, too, this time!

Perhaps you stand on the outside looking in at life. If you see everyone living life in a way you only wish you could, or in a bigger way than you feel safe doing, you may fall into this default mode. Allowing others to call the shots means you have to push down emotions: anger, sadness, fear. You feel safer standing on the sidelines. You still do all the things women do: giving, working, nurturing. But you are not actively engaged they way you’d like to be. There is a path to reclaiming your power – it begins with small steps, but the changes will be big!

So which are the ones you got lost in?

It is possible to step outside your habitual responses to see that getting lost was both an accident and a choice.

You are not alone – you have choices. You can look at your life differently and take a few steps fearlessly forward. The first step involves recognizing how you “disappear” in your own life.

In my fall class, I will explore the archetypes associated with our default responses to the incredible stresses, expectations and responsibilities women face every day. With all the love you, as a woman, have to give – give some to yourself!

I’d love to hear what you think, diva sisters.

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